Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize