sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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