8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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