if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
