Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
two words: eviction party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
