Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
