is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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