I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
