you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
