dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
