just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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