Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
