wakey wakey hands off snakey
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How's work?
Spinning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
