She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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