I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
