Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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