guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
