Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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