Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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