the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's blow job season.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
