until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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