I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize