so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
