She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
