just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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