I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize