It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
