So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
