wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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