Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
