remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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