Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
