Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
