My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
