kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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