you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
