I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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