i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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