But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
