There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My cat gives me a boner
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
