I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
