oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
