He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
