Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
