Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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