chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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