she was so not down for the gang bang
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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