meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
