I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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