Got a toothbrush?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
