You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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