I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize