I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
