I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
