Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
