If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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