umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
