if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
