Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
