i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
