just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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