Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
