honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
