i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Randomize
