Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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