My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize