Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
