tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
